The term may have a different meaning to you than it does to someone else. In general, it means “that person to whom you are closest.” This person is usually (but not always) a nonblood relative and may be your spouse, partner in life, boyfriend, girlfriend and/or your best friend. While it may be difficult right now to find much to be thankful for, having a partner, someone who really cares about you and loves you, is something for which to be truly thankful.
Even couples who typically communicate well have trouble talking about cancer because it involves intense emotions. Discussing a cancer diagnosis also involves topics that couples may not wish to discuss. This includes sexual problems, fertility concerns, physical limitations, financial worries, and even the possibility of death.
Think about your relationship with your partner. You have been through both happy and hard times together.
Your diagnosis may be shocking at first. The more you and your partner find out about it, the more you will learn that breast cancer is a disease that can be treated successfully.
Do not be afraid to talk about your feelings. You will find that if you or your partner hold your thoughts, worries and fears inside, they can create a wall between you and may cause you to grow apart. A good place to start may be a simple open-ended question such as: “What makes you feel good today and how can I help you?”
Think about all the good times you have shared. Think about the rough times. You have both made it through them all—and have stayed together. Actually, for some people, going through something very serious, like breast cancer, brings them closer together. Your fears are shared, your joys are shared and both of you can make it through the treatment and recovery from breast cancer together. When you keep your spouse or partner involved and informed about your illness, it can help ease your burden. Your partner can share their strength and concerns with you, which can be helpful for both you and your partner.
Key Messages When Talking with Your Spouse/ Partner:
When talking with your spouse or partner think about these key messages:
Couples often find it hard to talk about difficult or sad topics. This means that they may shy away from talking about the intense emotions and changes that come with a cancer diagnosis.
Talk openly and honestly with your spouse or partner. It is also helpful to sensitively listen to your partner’s thoughts and feelings.
Don’t put on a ‘happy face’ if you don’t really feel that way. While you might try to protect your partner’s feelings by acting as happy as possible, it will help you and your partner more if you share your true feelings.
You should also discuss practical concerns, such as treatment options and changes in routines, and future plans. However, allow yourself and your partner to keep life as normal as possible during your treatment.
Consider joining a support group or talking with a trained counselor to help you each cope in your own way.
Sources:
American Society of Clinical Oncology, 2022. Talking With Your Spouse or Partner About Cancer.
Susan G. Komen, 2021. Talking with Your Partner.